Power Moms /
《职场妈妈别自责》
By Joann Lublin
Translated by Yun Zhang
Published by ZhongYi Press
乔安•卢布林著
张芸译
中译出版社出版
Ditch Working-Mother Guilt
职场妈妈别自责
My Wall Street Journal essay about combining motherhood and a career triggered a tsunami of hostility from both men and women. The Journal published a full page of scathing letters to the editor
the day after I stopped breastfeeding seven-month-old Dan—a move that happened sooner than I would have preferred. One letter writer said my son was better off that I worked because I was obviously an unfit mother. A bulging folder atop my desk held another forty letters that the Journal considered too nasty to print.
Sick to my stomach and even sicker at heart, I left the Washing- ton office early that afternoon. During my morose walk home from the bus stop, I rang the doorbell of a nearby friend, Susan Wildstrom. The mother of two boys enjoyed teaching high school mathematics part-time.
Seated in a living room armchair, I tearfully described readers’ venomous reactions to my first-person essay on the Journal’s editorial page. Their comments had rattled me so much that I might abandon my career, I confided to my friend.
“But do you enjoy working?” she asked.
“Of course,” I replied. “I wouldn’t be happy staying home full- time.”
“Then fuck ’em,” she said.
我曾在《华尔街日报》发表了一篇写如何把母职和事业结合起来的文章，没想到文章一发表激起千层浪，我收到来自男人和女人排山倒海的敌意。
我本想给孩子哺乳更久，可是在儿子丹七个月的时候我给他断了奶。第二天，《日报》用了一整版面刊登了编辑收到的读者来信。这些读者信件十分苛刻，有一个读者说我不是个称职的妈妈，我回去上班对我儿子更好。另有四十封措辞更刻薄的信《日报》没有印刷，它们在我的办公桌上高高堆起。
看到这些读者来信，我感到一阵阵反胃，更感到痛心。那天下午我早早地离开了华盛顿办公室。从公交站走回家的路上，闷闷不乐的我按响了一个朋友的门铃。这个朋友是苏珊•维尔德斯特罗姆，她有两个儿子，同时也享受在高中兼职教数学课。
我坐在朋友客厅的扶手椅上，哭着跟她讲述我在《日报》发表了一篇第一人称文章后招致的读者毒舌回复。我向这位朋友坦言，这些来信把我搅得心绪不宁，我恨不得辞职算了。
“但是，你喜欢工作吗？“她问我。
“当然喜欢了，”我回答：“我不甘心当一个全职主妇的。”
“那你管他们说什么呢。”她回我。
Among the lachrymose was Inhi Cho Suh, a GenX mom. The then head of a multibillion-dollar software business for IBM shed tears while describing the sacrifices her mother had made for Suh’s career. “It’s a little bit emotional,” she said, grabbing a tissue to dab her eyes in her office in downtown San Francisco.
The forty-four-year-old executive wore a fancy black dress and checked jacket that morning because she would address a major conference for women in technology hours later. A native of Seoul, South Korea, Suh moved to the United States at age five with her family. Her parents spoke no English, she recalled. “They only had a couple of bags and a little bit of cash.”
Suh’s parents settled in Spartanburg, South Carolina, and eventually excelled as owners of small businesses. Her father opened a martial arts school. Her mother had to learn to sew before she could open a seamstress shop.
Suh joined IBM as a marketing assistant in 1998. Moving up rapidly, she became the youngest ever vice president of the computing giant—at age thirty-two. In 2011, she considered leaving Durham, North Carolina, where she was working. She and her husband, a fellow IBM executive, wanted to accept attractive assignments at company headquarters in suburban New York.
Suh worried about finding good child care for their toddler and infant sons because she lacked immediate family near the new locale. She called her parents for guidance. They promised to sell their businesses, come live with her family in Ridgefield, Connecticut, and spend several years caring for their grandsons. Repeating her mother’s rationale for this radical change made Suh cry.
“My sun is setting,” her mom told Suh in Korean. “Yours is rising.”
对我讲述催人泪下故事的妈妈之中就有一位七零后妈妈，名叫赵仁熙。我们见面之时她是IBM百万美元软件业务负责人。说起自己的妈妈为她所做的牺牲，赵女士忍不住落泪。我在她位于三藩市市中心的办公室采访了她。“真有些伤感，”她说着，从办公桌上的纸巾盒里抽出一张纸擦眼泪。
那天早上，这位四十四岁的高管身着一件高档小黑裙，一件格纹外套。几个小时后她要在一场为科技行业女性举办的重大会议上发言。赵女士是韩国首尔人，五岁时和父母一起移民到美国。她回忆那个时候父母一句英文也不会讲。“他们来的时候只随身带了几个包和一点儿现金。”
赵女士的父母在南卡罗来纳州的斯帕坦堡定居下来，后来成了小有成就的小企业主。她的父亲开办了一所武术学校，母亲学习了缝纫技术后开了一家裁缝店。
赵女士在1998年加入IBM公司，担任市场营销助理。她的晋升之路走得很顺，三十二岁时已经是这家计算机巨头的最年轻的副总裁。2011年，她考虑离开当时的工作地点——北卡罗来纳的达勒姆。她的先生也是IBM的一名高管，夫妇二人对公司总部吸引人的项目动了心，想搬去纽约市郊。
她的两个儿子一个在吃奶，一个在学步，她担心在新环境找不到好的育儿机构，又没有直系亲属帮衬。她打电话向父母寻求指引，父母许诺会卖掉他们各自的店铺，同她们一家人搬到康涅狄格州的里奇菲尔德，帮她带几年孙子。赵女士在对我复述她母亲这么做的理由时，忍不住落泪了。
母亲用韩语对她说：“我的太阳下山了，你的太阳刚刚升起。”